well, i've found my precious, and its not a ring
by sod.off.bitch.you're.killing.me
Summary: previously called 'Dad' DeanHermione. Dean and Hermione are Head Boy and Girl. Some playful banter ensues, which turns into something more... rated M for later chapters.
1. Back To Hogwarts

**Diclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. What a shame…**

**DTHGdthgDTHGdthgDTHG**

Hermione sat against the wall of her bedroom and threw the baseball in her hand against the floor, where it bounced to the wall and back into her hand. Today was the day she returned to Hogwarts for her seventh and final year. Her trunk was ready and packed, as was her schoolbag with all her things for the train. It was the same as every year. Except this year, Hermione was a changed person. Over the summer she had grown tired of her wallflower-ey wardrobe and decided to exercise her transfiguration skills to reflect the girl she wanted to be. She only had one more year at high school, and this time she was going all out.

Standing, she walked over to the full-length mirror and examined her reflection. She was wearing black-and-grey camouflage trousers and a blood-red boob-tube. It was her favourite out of all the outfits she had made. Her hair had been straightened to it's full-extent (her waist) and dyed white on top, black underneath. The black-and-red skull and crossbones in her newly-pierced navel matched the ones lining the choker on her neck and in her ears. She brought out her lipstick and re-applied the dark red gloss.

"Hermione! Time to go!" Her mother yelled and Hermione sighed. Grabbing her bag, she shrank her trunk and placed it inside, before bouncing down the stairs. Four hugs, seven warnings about sugary sweets and one four block drive later, Hermione was standing outside Kings Cross Station. She wandered slowly into the station and glided through the barrier.

Standing beside the train she scanned the platform for Ron and Harry. She spotted two guys, one with red hair, one with black, and she smiled. Weaving her way past excited first years, tearful families and bored siblings, she stood behind the two, close enough to see the name 'Ron Weasley' scratched onto a trunk.

Smiling to herself, she took a deep breath and screeched 'WON-WON!". Ron jumped and whirled around. He hit Hermione and knocked her over, but Harry caught her before she hit the ground. Hermione grinned up at the two boys.

"Hi."

"Her-Hermione?" Ron stuttered, staring at her. She nodded and turned around, hugging Harry, who raised his eyebrows.

"Wow, Hermione. You look-"

"Bloody Fantastic! George! C'mere and look at this!" Fred appeared suddenly by Ron's shoulder, grinning. His twin joined them moments later and Hermione frowned up at them all.

"Why am I so small?" She whined. Even though she was tall herself, she was tiny in comparison to the Weasley's and Harry, who were all exceeding the 6ft mark.

"Cuz you are. Get over it. Does that not _hurt!_" George said, bending down and examining Hermione's belly-button piercing. She giggled and slapped him on the head.

"Nope. I should have but I put a numbness spell on my stomach when I got it done." She said and Harry shook his head in amazement.

"Hermione Granger. With her bellybutton pierced. What next, will Malfoy dye his hair pink?" He said and they laughed. There was a whistle from the train and George jumped up and down excitedly.

"Ooooh! Getting' on the train for your last year!" He said.

"You don't want to be late now, do you?" Fred continued, pointing at the train.

"C'mon. We'll help you." George said, and bent down. There was a screech, then George took off down the station carrying a screaming Hermione."

"George Weasley you put me down RIGHT NOW!"

"Nope."

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

**DThgDThgDThgDThgDThgDThgDThg**

Dean ran out of his bathroom, cursing. Pulling a black t-shirt over his head, he cast some drying spells on his hair. He swore again as he pulled on some baggy jeans and a black shirt for over his t-shirt, grabbed his bag and ran out the door. He was late, the first day back at school and he was _late_.

He sprinted across the hall and down the stairs, shoved his feet into his trainers, yelled a hurried goodbye to his drunken mother and hurtled out the house. Cars hooted as he ran in front of them and across the street to Kings Cross Station. He only stopped to walk slowly though the barrier to platform 9 ¾ before speeding up and boarding the train. He collapsed into an empty compartment seconds before one of the Weasley twins ran past with a screaming girl on his shoulder.

Panting only slightly, he stretched across the seat and promptly fell asleep.

Four hours later there was a loud yell and he woke up just as a girl landed on his stomach. Coughing, he looked up to see who was crushing his bladder and saw a pretty girl with white-and-black hair staring back at him.

"Hey Dean. Awake now?" She asked, giggling and Dean groaned.

"Yes. Why did you wake me? And who are you?"

"I woke you because you're needed in the teachers compartment and I'm Hermione." Dean was only half-listening during this explanation but one word caught his attention.

"Hermione! Jesus Christ so it is. When'd you change? And When'd you grow boobs!" He exclaimed. Hermione laughed and stood up.

"I changed over the summer and Dean, I grew boobs in second year. Now get up! We're needed!"

"What for?" He asked, allowing himself to be pulled to his feet and dragged along the corridor.

"Head's duties."

Four hours later they emerged from the Prefects compartment after having told them their duties, arguing along the way.

"Dean he's gay."

"No he is not. He was eyeing you up."

"He was wearing pink and spoke funny. He's gay."

"Seamus wears pink and speaks funny!"

"Seamus is Irish he can't help sounding different. Did you not notice him feeling you up?" Dean froze in the act of opening his compartment door.

"That was him? I thought it was _you_!" He said, loudly and Hermione burst out laughing. Dean shook his head and slid open the door, immediately wishing he hadn't. Seamus was sitting on the seat, his arms wrapped around Mandy Brocklehurst, who was sitting on his knee, making out with him

"Hermione?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I sit in with you guys?"

"Sure." Dean smiled in thanks and followed Hermione down the train to her compartment. They went inside and Harry and Ron were sitting on the floor playing exploding snap, being watched be Luna Lovegood and Neville. Hermione sat on the seat next to them and Dean sank into the seat next to Neville.

"No Harry! Not that one!"

**BANG! **

The pack of exploding cards blew up, leaving Harry and Ron looking very blackened with no eyebrows. Hermione had managed to save herself from the soot by leaping into Deans lap, which got very bad looks from a very dirty Ron. Moments later there was a loud voice echoing along the train.

"_Ladies and Gentlemen we are now approaching Hogsmeade Station. Please take your hand luggage with you. Enjoy Your Year at Hogwarts!"_

**HGdtHGdtHGdtHGdtHGdtHG**


	2. Hermione Granger? Punk!

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Hey guys! Sorry for the shortness of this chappie, but I am literally writing this before I run out the door. Enjoy!

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"First Years! Over Here! First Years! Damn it they cant hear me." Hermione sighed. "Dean, a little help?"

"Wha- Oh. FIRST YEARS! GET OVER HERE!" He yelled and the terrified-looking 11 year olds came scuttling across the platform. HE grinned at Hermione, who swished her long hair over her shoulder and glared at him. "What!"

"You are so annoying."

"What? Because I'm tall? Hey- No VIOLENCE!"

"You asked for it."

"Excuse me but when did I say, 'Excuse me Miss Granger, but by any chance would you be willing to lift that foot and make it connect with my ass very quickly?' because I do not remember asking that."

"I hate you Dean Thomas, have I told you that?"

"Twice in the last five minutes. And you know that you really love me."

"Erm, I don't mean to be rude," Spoke up one brave-looking first year. "But shouldn't we go? I mean, nearly everyone else is gone and in case you haven't noticed, It's fucking pissin' it down!"

"Excuse me Shane Finnegan," Hermione said, "but if I hear you speak to me using those words again I may have to throw you in the lake." Dean grinned at Hermione and she winked, motioning for the first years to follow her.

They walked down a small road until they came to the edge of a lake, with about thirty small boats moored along the side.

"No more than four to a boat." Dean called, and waited until all the first years were in before climbing in himself. He turned and held out a hand to help Hermione in but saw that she had already jumped into the boat next to him. Grinning at him, she leaned back and propped her feet on the front of the boat. Snorting, dean raised his wand. "FORWARD!"

With a slight jerk, the boats moved slowly forward across the lake. Dean sighed and leaned back, scanning his eyes along the group for any first years "misbehaving". Unfortunately none of them were. Smiling to himself suddenly, he leaned down and swiped up a lump of leaves that was floating in the water. Slowly, he steered his boat across the water to where Hermione's boat was gliding along whilst she closed her eyes. When his boat was alongside hers, he held out his arm and dropped the soggy leaves- right on Hermione's chest.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!" She screeched and sat bolt upright, her boat tipping precaurously. "Dean you DICK!"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHahahahahahahaha…." Deans laughter died at the look Hermione had in her eyes. Quickly, he steered his boat away from Hermione's as fast as he could. When he was finally out of reach (or so he thought) he turned back, grinning, only to receive a faceful of mud fired from Hermione's wand. Coughing, he wiped it from his face as the boats bumped into the bank on the other side of the lake. Jumping out of the boat, he flicked his wand at where Hermione's had moored on the bank and she flew into the water.

"DEAN THOMAS!"

"WASN'T ME, MISS!" Dean said hurriedly as rprofessor mcgonagall came marching down the grassy bank toward the lake.

"so, it was Mr Finnegan who made my head girl fly into the water then was it?"

"Wisny me miss, Aint done nothin!" Seamus' little brother spokje up from the crowd of first years who were assembled around them.

"Oh god, not another one." McGonagall muttered as Hermione pulled herself out of the water. "Miss Granger, Mr Thomas, you will go up to the castle and take your respective seats. We will be up shortly."

"Yes ma'am." Dean saluted and dragged Hermione by the arm up to the castle.

"Dean Ryan Andrew Thomas let go of me RIGHT NOW!"

"Hermione Anne Granger I will let go when you walk faster!" **(A/N: see? Dean Ryan Andrew Thomas D.R.A.T! And Hermione Anne Granger H.A.G)**

"Dean, just shut it. Please. You're worse than Ron- well, no you're not." She said as they entered the hall and saw Ron asleep with his head on the table. Harry waved and she grinned, walking toward him. The chatter in the hall quietened as she walked down, her cloak flying behind her so that you could see her clothes beneath it. There were three words uttered as she squeezed between Ron and Harry, Dean sitting beside Seamus across from them;

"Hermione Granger? Punk!"

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**Thank you to all TWO of my reviewers, _LJ_ and _Two Bits Twobit_**

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	3. Youdowhatnow?

**Heyy guys! Howzya doin? **

**Just a reviewer reply: Hermione was wearing the clothes that she was wearing when she left her house: black-and **

**grey camouflage trousers, blood red boob tube, skull and crossbones choker, belly-bar and earrings.**

**I still don't own anything to do with Harry potter**

**------**

"_Hello and Welcome back again_

_It's nice to see you all_

_Faces of new and old_

_Are still lining the hall_

_Onto the business first _

_I hope you do not mind_

_I'm going to look inside your head_

_And see what we can find_

_It's necessary I'll have you know_

_Because I need to see_

_Where you will go when you are here_

_And where you're friends will be_

_There was a time, long long ago_

_When this school was shiny and new_

_There were no cracks along the hall_

_And the cobwebs were tidy and few_

_Cheerful Salazar Slytherin_

_And smart young Ravenclaw_

_Along with bubbly Hufflepuff_

_And good old Gryffindor_

_They decided to make up a school_

_Of men and women alike_

_But (unfortunately) anything else_

_Should really take a hike_

_Ravenclaw took all the smart_

_Gryffindor took strong and bold_

_Slytherin took sly and sleek_

_Hufflepuff took them all_

_Nowadays they are not here_

_To split you into four_

_But I am on your head instead_

_And smarter than before_

_You cannot escape from my spying_

_I can see right in your mind_

_To the box where all your hidden,_

_And secret talents reside_

_I can tell where you should be_

_And I will tell you now_

_When all you small folk put me on _

_And see what I have found_

_Now as I cant think of any more_

_I'm running out of rhymes_

_I'll end with a traditional_

_Song that is of mine_

_There's nothing hidden in your head_

_The sorting hat can't see_

_So try me on and I will tell you _

_Where you ought to be!"_

The hall clapped as the hat took a bow then fell silent. Dumbledore stood up and spread his arms wide.

"Welcome, welcome, to another year at Hogwarts. Now, I usually say a few words before the feast and save the

speeches for later, but there has been some unfortunate business and I may not be able to return before that time, so;

Mr Filch has asked me to remind you (yet again) that he has added some more items to the list of things banned from

Hogwarts. As this list no longer fits on his door it is now hanging in the entrance hall for all to see. I am also told to

remind that nothing from Weasley's Wizard Wheezes is allowed in, although I doubt that that will be of matter this year.

Which leads me onto our next subject, staff appointments. Our New Defence against the dark arts Teacher is not-so-new

for some of our older pupils. I am pleased to announce that Mr Remus Lupin is returning to his old post of DADA

professor. Welcome back Mr Lupin"

There was a large burst of applause from the hall, mainly the older Gryffindor students as Lupin stood up and half-bowed to his name. Hermione laughed to see that Harry and Ron had huge grins on their faces, and that Seamus was paling slightly, the word 'boggart' forming on his lips.

"Earlier this year, there was a wizard-wide survey on health and fitness. It seems that our wizard kind is becoming lazy, and this may jeopardize our future. So the ministry has forced- I mean persuaded- the school governors to include Physical Education in our school regime. Some of you may know what P.E is, and unfortunately, Quidditch is not included."

"Crap" Harry muttered under his breath, and many of the students raised by muggles looked apprehensive.

"As this is being included in our schooling schedule, we need a teacher and I am glad to say that _two_ have come forward out of the woodwork. I am pleased to announce that our new Physical Education Teachers will be, Mr Fred and Mr George Weasley. Welcome back! "

There was a very loud burst of applause and cheers as people craned their necks to see the famous twins at the table. The applause scattered and died quickly when they realised no-one was there.

"Unfortunately they could not be here for the opening feast as there has been an unfortunate explosion in their shop-"

"It's called mum." Ron added.

"- so let the feast, Begin!"

**------**

"Scooby-doo."

"Excuse me?"

"It's the password."

"I guess you chose it?"

"Who do you think? McGonagall?"

Dean grinned as they stepped through the archway into the head-suite. The room they entered was the exact replica of the Gryffindor common room, except the doors said "Hermione Granger" and "Dean Thomas" instead of "Girls dorms" and "Boys dorms". Hermione screamed and jumped up and down, clapping her hands.

"You like it then?"

"No, I hate it. What do you think." Hermione stuck her tongue out at Dean and hopped excitedly across the room into her room. Dean jumped when he heard a scream and he ran into the room with his wand drawn.

"What is it? What's wrong?"

"It's- it's FRILLY! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." She said, and Dean stared wildly around the room.

"I thought someone was trying to kill you by the way you screamed." He said weakly and shook his head at the girl who was now transfiguring the lace into black cobweb shapes. He looked around the room. The walls were blue, the furniture was yellow, the four-poster was black and the ceiling and floor were red. "By any chance did you request the room to be painted like this?"

"Yep. Primary colours are fun." She said simply, and turned to the door. "Lets go see your room." She grabbed his arm and pulled him out the door and into his room. The room was a navy blue colour, with a white ceiling and carpet. Dean's mouth hit the ground as Hermione started giggling. "Eeeeeeeew."

"EW is right, i'm not living in a room like THIS!" he exclaimed. He took out his wand and muttered a spell. Immediately all the walls turned black-and-white checkerboard (with wobbly lines), the furniture was orange (including the bed) and the ceiling was black with stars on it. The floor looked like water. Hermione shrieked as a shark swam under her feet.

"You did that with one spell?"

"Yup. Replicating spell. Made it into a replica of my room at home."

"Even the floor? I thought that you were muggle-born."

"We were allowed to use magic this summer weren't we? It freaked Seamus out when he came to stay. Thought he was going to sink through the floor." Hermione laughed, then looked at her watch.

"Oops. 11. I've gotta go. G'night"

"Where are you going at 11?"

"Bed."

"At ELEVEN?"

"I get up at 4."

"Four! Why."

"First I jog around the grounds, then I go to the room of requirement."

"What for?"

"Martial arts and archery practise."

"Youdowhatnow?"

"Martial art-"

"Yeah I know what it is but you do that?"

"Yeah." Hermione stopped at the door and turned. "You don't think that Harry and Ron protect _themselves_ when they're fighting the death eaters, Do you?" She winked and left the room.

Dean stood and stared at the door.

"There's two four o'clocks in a day!"

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**review. PLEASE!**


	4. SO sorry guys

Hey Guys I'm really sorry I haven't updated in a while- okay AGES but I've been really busy with schoolwork and the band and I haven't had time to do anything else. However, since it is going to get even more chaotic as I have exams and a couple of gigs coming up I have decided (and not lightly) to discontinue this story and stick with one-shots. SOREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Not that I had very many readers anyways X(

Sod.off.bitch.you're.killing.me

a.k.a

Snickers.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x


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